It's Ok... I'm A Limo Driver

Bangkok Podcast #1

Hey gang, I just tried out the podcasting thing with Garageband. This will be the 1st podcast of many. So let me know what you think and if there are any topics you would like me to discuss or any questions you would like answered then shoot me an email at itrimble@gmail.com or add a comment... well I hope you enjoy !! Apebeater OUT !!

Download bangkok_podcast_1.m4a

Yeah Yeah

wut up  bitches !!... well life so far in Thailand is great !!!, I  have been hanging around a bunch of foreigners, and they don't even bite !!, or leave crotch rot !!.... i started my first day of teacher training and it went very well... we have a class of 14 with people from all over the world... i'm talkin about singapore, finland,germany, new zealand, a zoo yorker, some brits, and some damned mexicans.. just kidding about the mexicans, they don't let them into the country, OUCH !!...send that to Matt Rey and tell him how it feels.. i will be getting a phone number soon... got to go and leave... will update soon
bitches !!!

Get me out of here !!

Wow.. it is 11:35 and I am surprised that I am still here.  Bill, my boss has gone off on a rampage this morning.  I think it is because he misses JOE.  So far he offered Norwood a crumpled up Chik Fil' A Chicken Biscuit and Norwood actually refussed.  He just flat out said "NO" and then handed it to me.  I looked at it and it was not too appealing.  It kind of looked like this:

Now just imagine that the crumbs were all over the place.  Then he shouts at me, you've got to get this drawing ready for Bernie in one hour and you only have 10 minutes to do it.  He then proceeds to explain what he wants in like 7 minutes time, so I only have 3 minutes to complete the task.  I managed to fix the drawing the way Master Chief (Bill) wanted it, and gave it to Bernie in a timely manner.  Then he snaps on Norwood, throws Lay-Z out the way, gets Pat all hyped up, and then snaps on the Georgia Power man.  He says that he has to cut our power.  Master Chief is not having this.
He gave the Power man a punishing look and told me and him to sit our asses down in his office.  Then he left and worked out some kind of deal with the guy and he was off. 

I immediately made the mistake of going outside to get a sharpie.  Uh-uh, Master Chief caught me and Norwood in his sights and walked towards us with stone-like face.  "I told you and Joe, that those guys do not want to pay us and yada yada yada" belted Master Chief.  As Master Chief kept talking, he would occasionaly glance at me and all I would do is smile.  A reaction that has been seared into my brain. The best part begins now, this is a quote for the ages: 

"You are not gonna fuckin be here !!, you are gonna be in a war in china and get your ass blown up into a chinese jail.  You are gonna be shittin in a hole, wiping with your left hand, and then shaking with your right"

Classic, timeless Northand, and you wonder why I'm leaving !!

ha ha

I am back kiddies.  I am sore as hell.  I worked out with my trainer for a couple of hours last night.  Laurie had me do an arm and intense cardio workout for an hour and a half.  After that I did 30 more minutes of just cardio on the eliptical machine.  Thank god, I've got an iPod, otherwise I would go slightly mad watching closed captioned Fox News. 

Bill is going crazy.  He must have not taken his meds.  He has been really cool for a while.  I work in the back, where I can have semi-peace, but it is usually broken up by the goons.  The days I do not work, this never happens.  It is as if the goons are drawn to me because of my superior intellect and dark humor.  Not really surprising. 

Last night I watched the Hawks game at Saniels.  They are doing pretty well.  The kids are well behaved, not too snotty I might say. Hawks are looking decent so far.  We might even have a winning season.  Joe Johnson and Zha Zha are the strongmen for the team.

That is all for now.  I gotta go.  Pay some bills...

Ape Beater Out !!

Ian is Sick #1

Ian is Sick #1
Originally uploaded by itrimble.

Trey snapped up this "El Terrible" picture of me when I was sick.  That bastard.  Anyway as you can see my old big head was twice it's normal size due to the swelling and the whole time I had visions of sugar plums dancing in my head.  Seriously folks, do not ever get sick or you will look as ridiculous as me.  Or do not go to work, even though you need the money.  The guys kept saying :  Dude, are you sure you are ok ?

Ian's workout plan

Wanna lose weight ?  I think in America... everyone wants to lose weight, except for the Thomas clan.  Yes, that does include you Cruella !! .  I recently discovered that I am down to 144 pounds.  Want to know my secret.  Well, I had some help from Cruella, but the secret is to go to a third world country and get sick, get disentary, and flush the weight down the toilet, the other secret, is to to get your wisdom teeth extracted, then get the flew and strep simutaneously.  , Eat soup or anything soft for two weeks, and whalla !!, the weight is gone. Cruella's 2 cents is that when he gets hungry, all the great one has to do is simply stare at the food for a long amount of time, and POOF !!, he is no longer hungry.  Simply amazing !!  Steve, a guy I workout with says that the secret is to drink some green tea and have some warm milk before you go to bed.  With all of these tips, I should really make a diet book, I will call it : Extreme weight loss for lazy folks.  Or I could go on the Carl diet from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, he had a great idea, eat some chocolate bars and eventually turn into a giant praying mantis, if it worked for him, then it can work for you...   

Akward conversations, don't ask Norwood, Alex, or Joe about inverted ass dimples on the female race.  If you do, you will find yourself going to a dark place, probably a place where Freddy Kreuger was spawned.

Alex... he has been a good boy this week, until last night.  He decided to live on the edge, and engulf himself in the "Smack my Ass !! And Call Me Sally" hot sauce.  I do not know why he felt the need to inflict this pain on himself, perhaps it is his own way of therapy.  He kindly offered us some, but I no longer have the stomach lining left to practice the abuse. 

The old routine... I tried working out for the first time in two weeks and that did not go as planned.  I was winded the hole time and it felt like someone was trying to pull my heart out of my chest, just like Mola Ram like in Indiana Jones and The Temple Of Doom. 

Rude stuff said to me at work this week...  hey Ian, you look like shit, why are you so pale, leave the little kids alone, My SON IS BACK !!!, damn son you got to leave that crack pipe alone you are wasting away.... do you have aids ?  .........the nerve of all of these people, I am healthy, I have a clean bill of health, I am just suffering from flourescent light syndrome a brain cloud, like in Joe Vs. The Volcano

Other events and tidbits:   McPop's tried to hook me up with some Thai girl named Nook... a very pretty girl who offered to show me around Thailand when she visits her family for two months.  It was very akward sitting with my Dad, my brother and Chi-chi, while they expected me to put my mack on... it didn't turn out that way, and I got tounge tied and kept grining, like the chesire cat... anyways she wants me to call her and I suppose I will... can't hurt right ?

This saturday will be the combination birthday party for Lay-Z and myself.  We usually always have a family party, but this year the timing really got screwed up and one thing happened after another, so we finally have a date set and it looks to be fun.  I think it is just an excuse for my mom to throw a party.  I just hope that no one starts to dance on the tables, a semi-annual occurance when my family gets "fire water" in their bellies.

Well that is all for now kiddies.... I will leave you with a new quote from one of my favorite comics :  Lewis Black

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.

I'm Sick

Hello everyone... sorry I have not been posting.. but for the past week I have been really sick from "the flu" and also in sleep-depriving pain from having gotten all 4 of my wisdom teeth extracted at one time.  I was in so much pain last Wednesday from my wisdom tooth that I could not even sleep... so I called the dentist on Thursday Moring at 4:15 a.m. and told to call back at 7:30... I tossed and turned and turned and tossed and finally made the call.  I found out that the dentist could not help me and I would have to see an Oral Surgeon to help me with the rotten buggers.  So I found somebody in Tucker who would see me the next morning.  Yeah I thought!!, but at the same time, my mouth was still in agonizining pain... I tried Vodka, didn't help, I tried praying, didn't help... so I just sat there bored and waited until my mom arrived the next day at 8:30.. well at 10:30 the procedure was finished and I was gushing blood all over the place.... well I can't type any more... I need to get some more medicine.... as I also have the FLU or a terrible SINUS infection...

APE Beater out....

Alex... is that an erection in your jeans ?

Back from Denver... and aint it great !!

Well kiddies... we went to Denver last week to see the Nugget.. the (Denver) Nugget.. hehe... the flight over there was very long... we had to get to the airport like 4 hours early because of a whole ticket fiasco... but once that was over we started to drink.... beer after beer.. after vodka tonic... after beer... by the time I got on the plane I was very buzzed and I had to pee very bad... I was forced to sit next to some wierd blinking european.  I have nothing against europeans, but this guy creeped me out... he just kept blinking.. over and over and over... it made me want to smell my fingers and go away into the rabbit hole... well two hours and thirty minutes later, we were in Denver.. and it was WHITE.. there were no international vibe like there is in Atlanta... too bad for them... we met Jenn at the airport, and in her humor, she held up a bones sign... bones being Alex... (I dunno where she got that name from)  It was funny though.  We caught up, then went driving around for a bar... we eventually found one and were pleasantly surprised at the prices of beer.  We were SOO hungry as well and could not find a thing to eat.  We eventually settled on stank old Wendy's.
 

Not much happened later that evening... we went to bed.  Oh yeah... Alex slept like a baby squirrel on Jenn's smaller couch, and that bastard irish Joe stole my blanket... just like an irishman !!

Friday

We started the day off around 9:00 with fresh bagels and "french-pressed" coffee.  Very good indeed.  Also, I did not have any hiking clothes, because as usual, I was not correctly packed.  So Jenn had an incredibles outfit that I could wear.  Do not laugh !!

We were going to Breckenridge to do some hiking, not just any hiking, but some damn 20 degrees 5 feet of snow kind of hiking... the drive took about 1 hour and it was so foggy at first that we could not see a damn thing... very scary stuff.. so me and Joe decided to buy some beer: 

We went hiking and hiking and hiking... up and up and up... the whole time Jenn was in the lead and we tried so hard to catch up, but alas we couldn't ... we were just not used to that damn thin air.  In fact, the first night I woke up three times gasping for air... quite wierd indeed... it also worked wonders on my digestive tract... ask Joe & Jenn about that.... plop plop anyone...

Later on that night we went out to a place called Chilled by the bottle or something like that and were dancing on the dance floor... it was a very "trendy" place and I guess one of the only nightclubs Denver has...it is just not that kind of city from what I can gather.... their gimmick is... you buy an outrageously priced bottle of liquor, then you have a server... then the server goes away... takes the orange juice away early... then comes back with an outrageous bill... it wasn't all too bad... I think I remember having Vodka, mamosa, and beers.. maybe two vodkas.. I forget.... we then went to a place called HUSH  where guys have to pay a $10 cover... and guess what... all guys once again..... the night ended by Jenn's friend Vivian driving us home and us feeding Jenn some more Nachos... this time in her bed... she then woke up to Nacho crust all around her face... quite nasty stuff....

Saturday

Let's see... Jenn made us French Toast... quite good actually.... and we went to Boulder, Colorado... which is rated as one of the greatest places to live in the USA... I am not buying it... it was clean... too clean.. in fact the whole state is too clean for the likes of me... well Boulder was like downtown Athens, except there were a whole bunch of hippies and liberals surrounding me... I was starting to go into panic mode.... there was shop after shop catered to feminist, and asian persuasion.  I was not impressed, but it was very nice to look at....

We then drove home and Jenn was tired... she made us endure hour after hour of MTV... something I never ever watch... something I have tried to avoid since I was 21.... well I broke down and sat on the couch.... I watched such great things as : I'm dead broke, and who could forget : I'm an american Muy Thai fighter... I truly feel sorry for all the kids who have to watch this stuff.... I have some advice.... read a book  or scratch yourself raw instead... anything is better than MTV.... don't get me wrong.. I live videos.. but they never come on and I would have to pay extra to get a freakin 2nd channel of it.... but I digress... we then had some Indian food for Lunch... good good stuff... I should eat it more often....  Jenn kept saying... I don't wanna go out... I am tired... well we weren't and we all did.... so we were stuck at the house for most of Saturday... what a waste...

Sunday

We had to get up super duper early to catch a flight at 7:20 in the morning... we endured Jenn's manic driving.. and got to the airport 30 minutes early... security was a breeze.. the plane ride was a breeze... and getting our luggage too forever.... we got on Marta at 12:00 and do not think we got home until 3:30... but that is a different story....

I hope I kept y'all entertained... be sure to check out Flickr for all the rest of the zany images that we took.... peace out... bitches !!

APE BEATER

Google AdSense - Reports

Link: Google AdSense - Reports.

I have not made shit with Google Adsense... y'all are not clicking enough on the same old links.  How is my son going to eat ?

Just remember that I count on you guyz to keep food in my belly.

Also... look for a long and lengthy couple of post this week.. also I will have the best of Colorado when I get back... if I get back !!

Ape Beater

Destin here we come..... or not !!

Looks like the trip is off to a bad start.  Let me tell ya what is goin on.  It is 10:04AM and we are supposed to be at Dave's at 9:15AM.... we were supposed to be on the road by 10:15... freakin Norwesha and his Cavalier... I remember when he first got it, he was so happy, well now what Norwesha ?  What are you going to do now ?  Oh well, next time get Maaco... I can't complain really, my truck has an infected window.  Probably from it being used as a "work truck"... I will have to get that fixed before I sell it.  Well here is what happened so far... I get a call at 8:30 from Lay-Z.. he tells me that Trey's car stalled out at City Hall... then the house phone rings... it is Norwesha.. great I thought.... so I am having a three-some at 8:40 in the morning... it pays to have good lucks, but I never thought it would happen with my own brother, and a co-worker.... life if crazy like that !!!   

Anywayz... I can't bring them a gas cap because my shed is locked and Alex has gone to get "something" . I think he went to get some bug spray to be used as sunblock... he is so crazy... that's why we call him CRAZY ALEX....(Sara) ask him if he would like the "special greeting"  wink wink.. or ask him to do his famous rendition of the "pork rhind" .. just be sure to have some paper towels around because it gets greasy... but that's how he likes it !!!

Back to the subject... Trey and Lay-Z got somebody to get them jumped off.  My brother goes... hey my man... my man.. yo we need to get this car jumped off... so they stop somebody... the guy puts down his boost mobile phone and goes "Where they at ?"  so classic... well that did not work so they call me up again....I know I am old... but do not come to me asking for advice... the only advice I can give anyone is to WASH WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE... cause there is nothing worse than going down on some Rabbid Gray Racoon Tang.... again ask alex about that....

9:30... I get a call again from Trey... now he is livid.  "Fuck this car man"  Fuck this god damn fucking car... piece of shit !!! "  I told him to calm down... at the same time I grinned... it is rare for Trey to freak out.... but when he does he goes crazy..... well I told him to go to Lowes or Home Depot and get a gas can and get some gas from the station.  Twenty minutes later they call me again saying that they are out of gas cans.... "Well then go to the gas station and get them to help you out..... !!!" I say..

Geez... do not pester me about everything ... well the last thing I heard is that he is getting his car towed and Polish Mike is coming to the rescue to get Trey.... that's what friends are for.... as far as Norwood (aka Norwesha, Trey, Snake) he is getting his ass whooped, getting to sleep in the bathtub, and gets to go to the metrosexual strip club.... I will keep y'all bitches informed as the the debautchary of this weekens events... if you want the dirty stuff... I will set up a lucrative pay site with all the stuff not fit for this blog....

I hope we all come back alive.... if we don't then give my stuff to the "world" or Stewart from Mad TV....

Ape Beater out !!